Jokes!

When Ray Tomlinson invented e-mail, his inbox had two e-mails from Rajesh Hamal.
राजेश हमालको फार्महाउसमा (farmhourse) सबै कुखुराले दिनमा एउटा अण्डा दिँदो रैछन् । राजेश दाईलाइ यो कुरा अली मन परेन्छ! राजेश दाइले चिचाउँदै थर्काएर भनेछ्न् - "हे.............. अब देखि दिनको २टा अण्डा दिने, नत्र.... "
भोलीबाट सबले २टा दिन थालेछन्,
एउटाले बाहेक !
राजेश दाइले त्यसलाइ एकान्तमा बोलाएर फेरि थर्काउदै सो्ध्नुभएछ: "हे...... तँलाई म देखी डर लाग्दैन? तेरो यत्रो दुष-षाहस?"
कुखुरो: "माफ पाउँ दादा, डर लागेर त एउटा भएनी दिइराको, नत्र वास्तबमा म त भाले पो"


एक दिन राजेश दाईको सुपरम्यानसँग भेट भयो। सुपरम्यानले फुटबल उठायो र जोडले घुमायो। १ घण्टा, २ घण्टा, ३ घण्टा.... ५ घण्टा पछि फुटबल रोकियो। सुपरम्यानले छाती फुलाउँदै भन्यो- 'देखिस् मेरो कमाल' ! राजेश दाईको उत्तर थियो......
'एई जोक्कर ! तँलाई के लाग्छ-यो पृथ्वी कसले घुमाइरा'छ !!!'


एक पटक राजेश हमाल बाग्लुङ गएका थिए । त्त्यहाँ उन्लाई एक जना बालक ले -नमस्कार अंकल, भनेर ढोगिदिएछ । राजेश दाइ ले खुशी भएर उस्लाई ओहो बाबु ठुलो भएस् भनेर आफ्नो फलाम को हाथ उस्को टाउको मा राखिदिएछन ।
तेही बेला देखि त्यो बालक कहिले पनि बढ्न सकेन र आज त्यो बालक खगेन्द्र थापा मगर को नाम ले चिनिन्छ ।


राजेश दाइले फोटोशपले मेकअप गर्नुहुन्छ ।


लनाथ ,सुशील, प्रचण्ड र राजेश दाई हवाई उडानमा थिए यत्तिकैमा रु .१०० को एउटा नोट देखाउंदै सुशीलले भने ..."यो नोट मैले झारी दिएँ भने एक जना नेपाली खुसि हुन्छ !" झलनाथले रु .१० का १० ओटा नोट देखांउदै भने ..."मैले यी तल झारी दिएँ भने १० जना नेपालीहरु खुसि हुन्छन !" प्रचण्डले रु.१ का १०० नोट हरु देखाएर भने ..."मैले यी झारी दिएँ भने १०० जना कमरेडहरु खुसि हुन्छन !" अनी राजेश दाईले बिस्तारि भन्नुभयो .."मैले तिमीहरु ३ जना फटाहरुलाई झ्यालबाट फ्यलिदिएँ ३ करोड नेपालिहरु खुसि हुन्छन !'</p>


राजेशदाई लाई चिया दियो भने दुध, चिनी र चिया सुट्ट पार्छन गिलासमा पानी मात्रै बाँकि हुन्छ |


किन किन तिम्रो तस्वीर मलाइ निको लाग्छ......
नबोलेर जति हेर्छौ उति रिस लाग्छ......
(यो गीत राजेश दाइलाइ झुठो लाग्छ
किनकि वहाँको अगाडी तस्वीर पनि बोल्छ)


एउटा मान्छे गीत गाउँदै थियो................।
आज आकाशमा एउटा तारा देखिन.................
राजेश हमालले यो गीत सुनेको ५ मिनेट पश्चात् त्यो मान्छेसँग.........
भाइ हिजोँ पनि यो आकाशमा ९५८०४७३६३७५८३७४६५८३८३६७२६४८४७३६३८५७४६३ वटा तारा थिए र आज पनि ९५८०४७३६३७५८३७४६५८३८३६७२६४८४७३६३८५७४६३ वटै तारा छन् तिम्ले कुन चाँहि ताराको कुरा गरेको ?
moral of the story
राजेश हमाललाइ कसैले झुक्याउन सक्दैन ।


सुन किन महँगो भयो भनेको त राजेश दाइले बिहेगर्ने कुरो सुन पसले हरुले थाहा पाएर महँगो बनाएका रहेछन नि


Ek din Rajesh dai keti herna jada keti ko aama behoss bhayecha....
Hosh aaye pachi Ama lai k bhayo bhanera ek janaley sodda...
Aama le bhanecha: 20 barsa pahile malai pani herna aako thiyo yo....


थाहा छ पहिला हात्ती को नाक सानो थियो तपाईं को जस्तै, एक दिन हाम्रो राजेश दाइ ले हात्ती को नाक मा झुन्डिएर हात्ती लाई पछारेछन तेही बेला देखि हात्ती को नाक लामो भएको रे


राजेश हमाल को मुटुको धड्कन रेक्टर स्केल मा नापिन्छ ।



Girl to Pathan:Tm Khali Pait Ktna Apple Kha Skta Hy?
Pathan:4
Girl:Nhi! Sirf 1,Kiuki Usky Baad To Tmhara Pait Khali To Nhi Rahega Na
Pathan:Wah Yara Kamal Hogya! Hm Apny Dost Ko b Batayega
Pathan,Dost Sy:Tm Khali Pait Ktna Apple Kha Skta Hy?
Dost:5
Pathan: O Yara!Tu 4 Bolta To Itna Mazedar Joke Sunata!


Girl PATHAN se Jb ap k pas mobile hy or mere pas b mobile hy to ap ne LETTER kyo bheja?
Pathan:O humne tumko call kia tha
us me baji boli plz TRY LETTER.


1 pathen n other pathan were watchin a cricket match. When Afridi hits a boundary.
1st pathan: Kya Goal mara.
2nd pathan : Raha na bewakoof ka bewakoof, Goal ismein nahin cricket mein hota hai


Google Inc. uses its official mailing addresses as google@rajeshhamal.com, gmail@rajeshhamal.com, etc.


CHANGING EXAM PATTERN
Year 1995 : Answer all questions.
Year 2000 : Answer any 5 question.
Year 2005 : Select the correct answer (A, B or C).
Year 2010 : Write either a or b.
Year 2015 : Please only read the questions.
Year 2020 : Thanks for Coming !!!


A Kid Calls The Help Desk To Complain About Computer Problem..
Kid: When I Type Computer Password, it Just Shows Star Star Star Star.
What is That joke?
............Help Desk: Dear Kid Those Stars Are To Protect You,
So That if a Person Standing Behind,
He Can’t Read Your Password…..
Kid: Yeah Okay,
But Stars Appear Even When There is No One Standing Behind Me


Boss asked santa to bring 2 corner tickets for a movie to go with his GirlFriend.
Santa Brought 2 corner tickets..
A-1 ---------- A-40
<p>Teacher: Just imagine you are on
the 3rd floor,  it caught fire
and how will you escape?
Student: its simple.
I will stop my imagination!!!
Teacher Shocks


Bacha:mene hathi k samne 12 kaile rakhe usne 11 khaye aik q nhi khaya?
Admi:hathi ka pait bhr gya hoga.
Bacha:nhi 12wa kaila plastic ka tha.
Acha dubara mene hahti k samne 12 kaile rakhe to us ne aik b nhi khaya q?
Admi:saare kaile plastic k honge.
Bacha:nhi galat. is dafa hathi plastic ka tha


Teacher Student Se:Khali Jaga Pur Karo,
900 Choohe Kha Kar Billi ___ Chali..
Stdnt:900 Choohe Kha Kar
Billi Slow Slow Chali.
Teachr (Ghusse Se):
Kharay Ho Jao,
Mazaq Karte Ho?
Stdnt:Ye Bhi Main Ne Aap Ka Dil Rkhne K Lye Keh Dya Warna 900 Choohay Kha Kr Billi Chal To Kya ,
Hil b Nai Sakti !!!!


God Imran Hashmi se:
"Agle janam me kya banna pasand karoge?"
Imran:- Rawan
God: Wo Kyu?
Imran:- 1 muh se Kiss kar kar ke thak gaya hu....
<p>V know TAJ MAHAL as a symbol of love
But d other lesser known facts
1. Mumtaz was Shahjahan's 4th wife, out of his 7 wives (great)
2. Shah jahan killed Mumtaz's husband to marry her (excellent)
3. Mumtaz died in her 14th delivery (wow)
4. He then married Mumtaz's sister (amazing)
Where d Hell is LOVE ???



My teacher Pointed at me wid a ruler & said , '' at d end of ths ruler is an idiot''
. i still dont get why i got rusticated
. I Only asked Him
, '' Which End Sir ? ''



What Is A Kiss?
In View Of
Geometry:
"Kiss Is The Shortest Distance Between 2 Lips!..
Economics: "Kiss Is That Thing 4 Which DEMAND Is Always Higher Than SUPPLY....!!
PHYSICS: "Kiss Is The Process Of Charging A Human Body...!
Computer: "Like A LAN, In Which 2 Bodies R Connected Without Any DATA CABLE!...



Welcome to Facebook
Where liars tell more lies..
Enemies are friends..
Where ppl set fake relationship status..
Every female is a so called model..
Haters complain about haters..
Slags hate slags..
Every person who talks about money is broke..
Where skinny girls suddenly pack curves and fat girls suddenly lose weight by Photoshop. . .
ONCE i Was Drunk And Came
Home Late..
To Avoid my Dad's Scolding,
I Quietly Took The Laptop
And Started Working<
...Dad: "Are You Drunk .. ?"
ME: "No.."
Dad: "Then What Are You
Doing With My Suitcase ? ?
<p>Saas : Beti Aaj Se Tumhara
Ghar Yehi Hai
Aaj Se Tum Mujhe Maa Aur
Apne Sasur Ko Papa kahogi...
Shaam Mein Us Ka Husband
Ghar Aaya To Boli
"Maa<
Bhaiya Aa Gaye .."
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ...
isme 1 mising h?
Dubara padh rahe ho? sharam nhi ati?
ABCD me 1"nahi hota?
kitni umeed se padhaya tha ammi abu ne... sab waste.. !!!
<p>Galileo used 2 study in Small Lamp
Graham bell used 2 study in Candle
Shakespeare used 2 study in Street Lamp
Samaj yeh nahi aata k saaley DIN mein kya Lattooo khelte they kya...
A policeman saw a little boy crying.
He approached him & asked: What's the matter boy?
Boy: Matter is anything that occupies space & has mass.
A man was applying for the post of a driver
Employer: I can give you the starting salary of Rs 5000 only.
Man: Okay that's fine. And what will be the total salary of 'Driving'?


Mark Zukergburg was seriously injured because Rajnikant poked him on Facebook.


Rajinikant participated in 100 meter race and obviously he came first…
But Einstein died after watching that…bcoz..LIGHT came second…



once RAJNIKANT took part in spelling contest,his rough paper is what we call OXFORD DICTIONARY



Rajsh dai never follow you....You are in Rajesh Dai's Follower circle.
Once Rajesh Dai and a small girl were playing cards. Rajesh dai loses the game inspite having 3 ACES. Why?? Because The girl had 3 Rajesh Hamal.
If ever you want to pinch Rajesh Hamal,The best thing you can do is launch a missile at him The world is not ending in 2012…. Our Rajesh Dai just bought a laptop with 3 yrs warranty!!?



Rajesh dai: Sir, can students of our age have kids?
Teacher : No Way, Never!!!
Rajesh dai to his girlfriend : Dekhis!!! Maile bhaneko ta honi. Do not to worry



Reporter: Rajesh ji, tapaile ta aafno daat ma nilo lagaunu vako raicha ne!k ho tyo?
Rajesh dai:eh.he.he yo ink ho.
Reporter:kina ink lagaunu bhako ta?
Rajesh dai:eh..he..he tapailai taha chaina jasto cha!yo jamana bhaneko bluetooth ko jamana ho



"SCIENTISTS FAILED TO ANSWER DAT BUT RAJESH DAI IS DA ONLY ONE WHO ANSWERED IT.
QUESTION IS:- WHICH LIQUID TURNS SOLID ON HEATING???
RAJESH DAI'S ANS:- SEL ROTI."
Once when our great Rajesh dai was kissing a girl, a little boy was watching him. And now, the boy is famous serial kisser, Emraan hasmi!! E baa!!
anai ma rajesh dai le bhadakuti khelda banayako ghar dhoti lai diyaka aahile tyo ghar taaj mahal vanera chinincha
NAME: Rajesh Hamal
HOBBY: Playin wid TIGER & LION
RECORD: Fought wid ELEPHANT & broke his neck
GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT: Skating in VOLCANO
SILLY THINGS DONE: Swimming in tsunami
MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT: Cudn't kill 2 shark in 1 punch
PROUDEST MOMENT: when the biggest cobra died after biting him



rajesh dai lai haa-cheeu aauda japan ma tsunami aayako vanne purano kimbadanti cha ..,..



Once a certain strain of influenza virus invade rajesh dai's body,the virus couldn't withstand rajesh dai immunity undergo mutuation and evolved to H5N1 and H1N1 virus...



fan:-(screaming)rajesh dai autograph...!!!
rajesh:-ahh.. sorry bhai mailai math auudaina...



rajesh dai has such a powerful kick it can be seen from the moon with naked eyes.



Thaha cha Kathamandu maa dharai traffic jaam bhayara..... Rajesh dai aajkal moon maa morning walk garna jaanu huncha.....


Rajesh dai follows traffic rule so strictly dat when he is chasing enemy in GTA VICE CITY, he stops his car on red light n wait until it turns green n starts chasing again !!



Breaking News
Rajnikant just landed on JUPITAR Planet
Shocking news
Rajesh dai was tourist guide for him......
Wheb Rajesh Dai was a student Teachers used to bunk the class…



Rajesh Hamal''s email is gmail@rajeshhamal.com.



Rajesh Hamal doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.